Love is selfish, says Rabbi Motty Berger of Aish HaTorah, and that’s okay. Monday evening, Berger gave an engaging talk entitled “The Ultimate Relationship Manual,” describing the Torah’s instruction for humanity’s relationship with God as a model for relationships between individuals.
Berger began his talk by describing God as “infinite,” and explaining that “it is impossible to do anything for an infinite being.” What this has to do with romantic relationships became clear by the end of the talk. First, however, the rabbi established the premise that people choose to marry for inherently selfish reasons—they marry because they believe their partner will make them happy. As a healthy relationship progresses, each partner becomes devoted to the other’s well-being, but even at this stage there exists an element of self-interest: each partner thinks, “the happier my partner is, the better off I will be.”
Once he established this basic premise, Rabbi Berger elaborated that this desire to give, though motivated by self-interest, leads to love. “The more you give to someone,” he explained, “the more you will love them.” As an example, he pointed out the relationship of parents to their children; parents love their children more than children love their parents because it is the parents who are on the giving side of the relationship. In other words, he continued, “you don’t give because you love someone, but rather you love someone because you give.” Drawing on the commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself,” he defined love as “your ability to expand yourself to a higher ‘you’ that includes others, one that is not only a ‘you,’ but rather an ‘us.’” When this happens, he explained, a person’s fundamental self-interest evolves into a desire to help someone else.
According to Berger, there are three necessary ingredients in a healthy relationship. The first is the ability to choose. The second, which comes with the ability to choose, is the ability to say “no.” Here again he used the parent-child relationship as an example: while the child is helpless and dependent on the parents, the parents choose to have — and take care of — their children. However, “relationships are only as strong as the one who wants them least.” In interpersonal relationships, this means that if one partner does not want to get married, the marriage will not happen. In a person’s relationship with God — on the assumption that God will always want a close relationship with humanity — the closeness of that relationship is determined by the person. The third ingredient is similarity; the more similar two partners are, the better they can relate to each other. When people use the Torah as a guide for their relationships, Berger said, it follows that they should aspire to love their partner as God does—they must become “infinite” by expanding their sense of self to include others, and in turn, they must give and want nothing in return.
University of Arizona
R’ Motty Berger on Relationships
Published by Valerie Saturen December 6th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsUA Jews on Facebook
Published by Valerie Saturen December 4th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsFor today’s college students, nearly every segment of campus has a presence on Facebook, and the Jewish community at UA proves no exception. Though UA Jews have an active presence on Facebook, with at least 13 Facebook groups, few list their religion on their profile pages. A search for UA students who openly identify as Jewish turns up 135 results. 40 further describe themselves as Reform, 27 as Conservative, and 4 as Orthodox. Membership in Jewish Facebook groups, however, shows that Facebook is indeed a popular avenue for Jewish students to network, keep in touch with friends, and in some cases to show common support for particular causes. The following list is arranged according to membership numbers.
The Jew Crew: The most popular Facebook group, boasting 548 members. This group is active and open to Jewish students regardless of denomination, year in school, political affiliations, etc, which probably accounts for its high membership. It’s also the UA version of a national Facebook group.
Jew of A: A pretty close runner-up in popularity, with 520 members. Another somewhat active catch-all Jewish group.
Hillel: Unsurprisingly, out of all the Facebook groups affiliated with a particular non-Internet-based organization, Hillel is the most popular, with 390 members who actively post. Hillel uses the online group to keep members posted on upcoming events and trips. Apparently, one of its group members is also “looking for a hot Jewish girlfriend.”
Jewish Arizonans on Campus (JAC): The Facebook version of its on-campus counterpart and the most popular organizationally affiliated Facebook besides Hillel (182 members). JAC describes itself as “a new organization on campus committed to spreading Jewish pride to college students throughout Arizona.” I recently interviewed one of its co-founders, Rabbi Eli.
FYSH (First Year Students of Hillel): FYSH describes itself as “a Hillel group for new students to meet other cool Jews and hang out during fun events.” Its 131 Facebook members actively post and use the group to network with other students.
Jews of 2010 Who Party Hard: 120 Jewish UA freshmen who like to party.
Arizona Israel Alliance: “Arizona’s direct connection with Israel. Learning about the culture and the life Israelis live day to day.” This group of 103 members coincides with a campus organization of the same name.
CATPAC: Cats for Israel: A politically-themed organization corresponding with its on-campus counterpart, which is the UA chapter of AIPAC. “CATPAC: Cats for Israel brings together politically active students on campus to educate them about Israel and the importance of the U.S-Israel relationship” There are 97 members of this group.
Shabbat Uncensored: Shabbat Uncensored is an on-campus project that gives Jewish students an opportunity to create their own Shabbat experience, especially if they have not celebrated Shabbat before. Students who sign up receive free challah, candles, juice, and other Shabbat supplies. The group is on Facebook with 86 members, and also has a corresponding MySpace group.
Greek Jews: According to the group, “Gamma Eta Kappa will enhance your Jewish and Greek experiences by opening you up to a new social, academic, and professional network of your peers.” 73 Jewish members of various fraternities and sororities.
Jews Who Love Booze: Surprisingly small group (hey, this is UA) of 33 members. The UA version of this group corresponds with a global Facebook group of the same name.
Jewish Wildcats: A small group of 16 members, this group does not feature any active posting at the moment.
Kedma: The Facebook version of the UA’s Orthodox student group, with 16 members who actively post about events, searches for kosher roommates, and other subjects.
STAND: This group, Students Taking Action Now: Darfur, is not a Jewish group, but it deserves an honorable mention because it has a very high proportion of Jewish students among its 127 members.
In addition to these groups, which consist exclusively of UA students, there are numerous national and global groups that are popular with Jewish students here. These range from Jewish organizational groups (such as USY) to general Jewish groups (such as I Love Jewish Geography, 60,000 Jews, and I Am a Victim of a Jewish Mother) to pro-Israel groups (such as Top 10 Reasons Why I Support Israel and IDF Support Our Brothers).
Get Lit Chanukah Party
Published by Valerie Saturen December 4th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsCan’t get home for Chanukah? Or simply looking for a fun way to celebrate the end of the semester that involves delicious latkes? On December 5, starting at 7:30 PM, there will be a “Get Lit” Chanukah party at Trident Bar & Grill. The party will be Israel-themed and will include free food, music, dancing, and a raffle. Everyone is welcome (though must be 21 to drink) at this opportunity to enjoy the holiday with friends old and new.
Trident is located at 2033 E. Speedway.
5 Questions With…Rabbi Eli Adler
Published by Valerie Saturen November 28th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 Comments
Rabbi Eli is a familiar figure to many students at UA, helping students learn about Judaism, leading trips, and co-running the organization Jewish Arizonans on Campus (JAC). The picture is from JAC’s Web site.
How did you get involved with the Jewish community at the University of Arizona?
After moving to the Valley, I began working with high school teens and programs in September 2004. About a year after my initial involvement with the Jewish youth scene in Arizona, Rabbi Brumer asked me to help with one of his shabbatons, and from this I was inspired to continue my involvement not only with high school students, but also the collegiate community, which I felt had a yearning for greater Jewish teaching resources. There were already established youth groups on Tucson’s campus, Hillel for example, and we built relationships with these organizations to foster the growth of these young Jewish students. JAC is especially proud of the close relationship it has established with Hillel over the past five years, and as a point of fact, only recently began using the title ‘JAC’.
What does JAC do, and how did the idea for the organization come about?
This organization came about not because of anything that we personally have done, but rather because of the students’ ardent desire to have this type of Jewish resource on campus. Our strongest asset is the students who not only provide the heart for the group, but a continued longing that ensures JAC will have an extremely significant and lasting impact on the collegiate Jewish community.
We engage students on various different levels of Judaism. From the basic social interaction and schmoozing between Jews, to trips for Shabbat and to Israel, to one-on-one directed study, JAC attempts to answer the questions Jewish students approach them with.
You are involved in leading the discussion group “Shmooze, Eat and Learn” at Hillel. Are there any particular topics that you feel students are most eager to talk about?
It actually depends on a student’s background. JAC is composed of a diverse range of students, from those born religious to those that are simply attempting to discover exactly a previously ignored Jewish heritage. So, the questions run the gamut. For those initially approaching Judaism and religious study, sex is a common question. However, it is not the only question. Once we get past the first few topics, which really seem to be college kids testing limits and boundaries, the students feel more comfortable asking the big, deep, philosophical questions that will have a far greater impact in shaping their future.
Can you tell us about the trips that JAC is offering to UA students, and what you hope students will get out of visiting these particular places?
This winter we have trips planned to London, New York, California and Israel. It isn’t about the destinations, it is about the experience. And literally, to a person, everyone has said that the trips are fantastic experiences.
The key thing to remember about these trips is that they allow the students freedom. It isn’t solely about traveling to an exotic locale and neither is it solely about studying. The trips show that the religious and the secular do not have to be in opposition. Rather, one can be as religious as one wants and still participate in the world as a whole. We provide study if participants want and we show students what a Shabbat is. This last concept is important. If a person has not yet experienced the songs and warmth associated with Shabbat, this trip will show them what it is truly all about.
The JAC website mentions that you have a background in music and that you were a regular on the New York Jewish music scene. Is there a connection between your musical background and your current role in the Jewish community?
Well, this is a rather complicated question. Looking at all the different tunes used in prayer shows that music is an integral part of the Jewish experience. As for myself, music has always inspired me to grow and to explore; it was an essential part of my personal growth and exploration into what I consider to be true, and I couldn’t imagine not sharing this with others. The more you share the more it inspires you, so yes, the music has inspired me to take a larger role in sharing and participating with and within the community and ultimately getting others to explore our rich, shared heritage.
Alternative Spring Break
Published by Valerie Saturen November 18th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsWhile other students head to Mexico or Florida for a carefree spring break, a group of Jewish UA students will join peers from around the country to help rebuild homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. These 10 students will be selected to participate in Hillel’s Alternative Spring Break, travelling to the city of Sidell, La., which lies outside of New Orleans, for one week.
They will wake up at dawn each day to work with the National Relief Network gutting houses damaged by flooding. They will also meet representatives from various organizations participating in the rebuilding process, such as FEMA and the Red Cross, which will help students better understand the infrastructure behind hurricane relief.
Trip co-organizer Shira Weinstein says that even though over a year has passed since Katrina, “The devastation still looks like it happened last week.” By dedicating themselves to helping repair the damage from a natural disaster that has since left the public eye, the group of students will gain the opportunity to learn firsthand the Jewish principle of tzedek, or social justice.
During their stay on the Gulf Coast, students will stay at a church campsite provided by the organization Operation Blessing, which was formed in response to the hurricane. According to Weinstein, life at Operation Blessing will be simple and communal, “like living on a kibbutz in Israel.” Each day of work will end at 4 p.m., and the group will have opportunities during that time to participate in activities such as city tours and sightseeing. At the end of the trip, the group will attend a music festival in New Orleans.
Thanks to a grant from the Barness Foundation, organizers say that the cost to each student will not exceed $150, including transportation, food, and lodging. Registration for Alternative Spring Break ends January 15, and prospective participants will complete interviews with the trip organizers between now and then.
“Just For A Day” In L.A.
Published by Valerie Saturen November 16th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsOver the weekend, 70 UA students traveled to Los Angeles to join a group of 1,000 Jewish peers from 22 participating schools in a day of philanthropy. With the Hillel-affiliated Just for a Day program, the students helped clean the beach, feed the homeless, work with people suffering from addictions, and spend time with children and the elderly. Through these diverse social justice activities, participants had a chance to learn firsthand about the Jewish value of tikkun olam, or healing the world. After a hard day of working in the community, the group was treated to a special performance by the Massechusetts-based band Guster and the band The LeeVees, perhaps known best for their album “Hanukkah Rocks,” at the Henry Fonda Theatre. Asked about the show, Hillel President Adam Frankel reports that it was “amazing.”
Israeli Film At UA
Published by Valerie Saturen November 15th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsToday at 1:30 p.m., the new Israeli thriller Frozen Days will be shown on campus at the Gallagher Theater. The movie centers around a lonely young woman who survives a suicide bombing and subsequently moves into the apartment of one of its victims. She assumes the victim’s identity, and as she does so, she starts to lose her grip on reality. The movie will be followed by a Q & A session with the filmmaker, Danny Lerner.
New Program Promotes Jewish Education
Published by Valerie Saturen November 9th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsThis spring, UA students will be able to participate in the Heritage Scholars Program, a month-long series of workshops aimed at introducing a variety of Jewish topics to Jewish students with limited Jewish education. The series will consist of one-hour classes held once a week in the Hillel building, and upon completion participating students will receive a $150 voucher/scholarship that can be used for future enrollment in Jewish programs or redeemed for cash. Each class will feature a different leading Jewish educator and will focus on topics ranging from Jewish values and ideals to current events. During the series, students will be expected to complete an online journal reflecting on their experiences. Applications are available on the program’s Web site.
Jewish Student Voting at UA
Published by Valerie Saturen November 7th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 1 CommentOn the University of Arizona campus this election day, the mood was largely one of apathy toward the mid-term elections, and the Jewish student body proved no exception.
The majority of Jewish students contacted, many of whom are not registered to vote in the state of Arizona, told CampusJ that they do not plan to vote, either here or by absentee ballot.
Their reasons for staying away from the polls followed a few consistent themes: the belief that Congressional elections are not as important as presidential elections; the difficulty absentee voters face in following election coverage in another state; and, perhaps most importantly, cynicism generated by negative “attack-ads.”
The tendency not to vote is a reflection of trends among the larger 18-to-24 year old demographic, of which only around 20-30% typically vote.
Many of those Jewish students who did vote described themselves as actively involved in the political process and in encouraging others to vote. The issues that Jewish students are most passionate about include health care, the economy, the protection of minorities, and foreign policy toward the Middle East.
Ben Bloch, a senior majoring in business management, told CampusJ that “the trend among Jews in general is to support the Democrats — I would say about 30% vote Republican — but when it comes to foreign issues, particularly the Middle East and Israel, we tend to agree with conservatives.? He added, however, that while many young Jewish voters are looking for candidates who support Israel, such candidates can be found across party lines. “The U.S. stance toward Israel is consistent among Democrats and Republicans,? he said, adding “It’s not about advocating for a certain party, but rather maintaining that relationship between the U.S. and Israel.?
Law student Matthew Bycer told CampusJ that he believes “Democrats are in favor with Jewish students, but Republican Senator John Kyle has strong support.? Bloch said that many Jewish students support Senator Kyle because “John Kyle has been one of the best candidates for Israel.?
5 Questions With…Racheli Marom
Published by Valerie Saturen November 5th, 2006 in University of Arizona. 0 CommentsThis week, I had the opportunity to interview Racheli Marom, the University of Arizona’s Hillel Fellow, about her experiences as part of UA’s Jewish community.
How did you end up as the University of Arizona Hillel’s Israel Fellow?
I was about to finish school at the Hebrew University, and I was looking for something interesting to do right after school. I was checking into options related to informal education connected to Jewish education, and then I saw this opportunity and thought I’d give it a try. I wasn’t even thinking about coming to the States. I had thought about finding a community in Europe, actually. But then after I went through the long process of interviewing, they recommended that I go to a university in the States. So I learned about Hillel, and this is basically how I got here. As it turned out, it was a perfect match.
In what ways do you think college is different in the United States than in Israel?
First of all, let’s start with the students. In Israel, people start school as undergraduates around the same time that people start graduate school here. A very common time for people to start school in Israel is between the ages of 23 to 25, because they go to the army, they work and save money, and then they take trips to different places around the world. So by the time they get to university, students are in a different phase of life than in the United States. Here, it’s an immediate continuation from high school. So for freshmen, it’s like high school, but much cooler because they have the independence to do what they want. The maturity level is very different.
What do you feel most interests the students you’ve met regarding Israel? What are they most curious about?
More cultural stuff, as opposed to politics. Nightlife, clubs, music, cool stuff to do in Israel. If something big happens, like the war in Lebanon, people would like to talk about that sometimes. I’m talking about the University of Arizona students that I meet; it could be different from university to university. I think that this university specifically is not a very political place generally, and this also affects how most people view Israel. People are interested in going to Israel on birthright or studying abroad in Israel, and they are very interested in the experiential point of view.
On many college campuses today, Zionism and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict are important and highly debated issues. How have you found the political climate on this campus related to these issues?
I think that the UA is not a political campus. I think students are generally apathetic in terms of politics, not just in regard to Israel, but also in terms of internal politics. You can see more political activity now because of the elections, but generally politics are not that big. From what I’ve seen last year, most of what I would call the anti-Israel activities on campus weren’t initiated by students, but rather by certain authorities at the university, especially professors. I think that there are also students here who are politically active against Israel, but not too many. Once in a while there is a rally or something like that, but it is generally very low-key, often involving the same group of students over and over. I don’t think they attract much interest beyond this immediate group of students. Generally I think the situation here is pretty good.
What upcoming events are you currently planning that you are particularly excited about?
For next semester, we are putting together Israel Week. Every day, from Friday night until the following Thursday night, we will feature a different big event, and all the events are going to be really wonderful and unique. Even though it was my initiative, I really wanted students to be involved. We didn’t see so many students proactive in terms of organizing Israel-related events. We have a few student groups, but it wasn’t happening on a very large scale. So I sent e-mails to Hillel and to everyone I know saying I wanted to put a committee together, and right now we have a committee of 18 people. Many of them are people who weren’t involved before but wanted to get involved somehow. It’s a very talented group of people, and they’re all very excited about it. We meet twice a week, and every time we meet, I leave the room thinking, “Wow, this is incredible.? These people really want to see Israel events on campus, and they think that Israel should be on the map. When I leave the room after these really good meetings, where everyone is really into getting out and doing things, I feel like that’s something. The planning is going on right now, and Israel Week will take place during the last week of February. It has been a great experience for me and for all of the students involved.

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